Today is the day.

I sit here staring at the twinkling white lights on my Christmas tree as “Silent Night, Holy Night––All is calm, All is bright,” rings softly in my ears. But I’m struggling to stay calm and things don’t feel so bright. There’s a knot in my stomach and a choke in my throat as I walk through this day with a weight on my chest that I can't bear on my own. The beauty and the pain of the season intertwines together. And I wonder if this is what it truly means to hold joy in one hand while grief weighs heavy in the other.